Flash Gordon

GREEN'S HOW MUCH CHEESE WOULD YOU LIKE? REVIEW:

Some movies are so campy and stupid with such horrible acting that they are good in spite of the stupidity, campiness and horrible acting. This is clearly one of those films.

I won't ruin the story for you by summarizing the plot, since Scribe will do so nicely below. However I'll just say that if you have never bothered to see this movie before, you really should rectify the situation, just because you can.

At the time this film came out, audiences had witnessed the first two original "Star Wars" movies and the first feature length "Star Trek" film. It was obvious in which direction the science fiction movie genre was going. The makers of this movie chose rather heartily to go against the grain and the result is... idiotic, ridiculous and surprisingly good in spite of itself.

Plus, how can you go wrong with the soundtrack of the film written and performed by Queen? Obviously you can't, in my opinion.

Max Von Sydow (Ming), an actor who you would think too uppity to be in a film like this, embraces his excellent inner-evilness and a pre-007 Timothy Dalton (Prince Barin) lead a cast of virtual unknowns and Hollywood never wases, like Sam J. Jones (Flash Gordon). This is one of the few feature films Melody Anderson (Dale Arden) acted in. Her acting career was spent in bits and pieces of television shows. Ornella Muti provides more eye candy as Princess Aura. Topol (Hans Zarkov) is better known for his singing in "Fiddler on the Roof" and actually plays a believable straight man compared to anyone else in the film. Perpetual voice-over man Brian Blessed (Prince Vultan) steals most every scene he's in.

Frankly, what makes this film work is the B-movie special effects combined with the actors not attempting to be dramatic - playing up to the desired cheesiness level.

While watching, I could vividly picture Charlize Theron in the role of Dale Arden, should someone ever be foolish enough to do a remake of this movie, not because Theron is a bad or campy actress but because I saw a slight resemblance in the two actresses.

I found the special features on the DVD informative and worthwhile to watch.

Wait a minute.... Just our luck!!

Apparently a remake is in the works. I know, just what we need...

Trivia: What is the relation between this film, "Batman", "Raiders of the Lost Ark", and the original "Star Wars" film? ANSWER BELOW

**** out of *****

SCRIBE'S LET'S NOT DIGNIFY THIS MOVIE WITH THE WORD "CHEESE" WHEN "CHEESE-WIZ" IS MORE APPROPRIATE REVIEW:

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM FLASH! Aaaahhhh-aaaahhhhh He’s a miracle!!!! FLASH! AAAA-AAAAHHHHHH He saved every one of us!

And with that incredibly corny opening song provided by Queen, a 1930’s comic strip and movie serial was brought screaming and struggling into 1980 by that great purveyor of crap, Dino De Laurentiis. Eventual B movie staple Sam Jones played the title role as a goofy, awkward dork that thinks he’s cool… except, I don’t think the filmmakers realized this when they wrote and filmed the movie!

Flash Gordon has long been one of the better science fiction comic strips and this movie does it little justice. Embracing a cheesy end-of-the-Seventies style, the 1980 Flash is a self-absorbed jock more interested in tapping intrepid reporter Dale Arden than in being a stern, super-serious “savior of the universe.”

Through a comedy of errors involving a dark and stormy night, Flash and Dale wind up in the home of one Professor Zarkov, a seemingly mad scientist who has built a rocket ship in his rec room. Zarkov plans to fly toward a series of odd signals that he feels might be causing all the storms and weird climatic shifts currently happening on Earth. Naturally, he pulls a gun on the duo and forces them to come along for the ride when his assistants cut and run.

This is pure space opera so questioning things like how do these two people who haven’t been tested for negative g’s survive a rocket ship ride and what are the odds of the planet Mongo having a breathable atmosphere considering Zarkov didn’t bring any breathing apparatus are not allowed. This is fun, pure and simple. It’s also really, really, REALLY dumb.

Upon their arrival, the minions of Ming the Merciless led by the really cool General Klytus abduct the traveling trio. Max Von Sydow portrays Ming with a genuine menace and evil that almost seems displaced in this corn muffin of a movie. Our first real clue that this isn’t your classic Gordon film occurs when the Emperor of Mongo decides to imprison the Earth folk and Flash grabs a golden globe-like object. What follows next is something right out of a bad burlesque show as Flash uses the globe-thing as a makeshift football and tackles and runs it in like the jock he is. For a moment, this upstart human looks like he might emerge victorious, but it is not to be, much to the disappointment of the observing aliens who secretly despise Ming and his power rings.

From there our heroes get split up so we can gain a better perspective on the worlds and the people Ming rules with an iron goatee’. Naturally, Flash winds up convincing a far more advanced people to rebel and fight for freedom, leading them to victory in a move equivalent to us overthrowing a dictator with the help of a Neanderthal.

What makes this movie so shockingly watchable is its total and unrepentant descent into utter camp. No effort is made to take the source material seriously or to portray the Flash Gordon universe in a realistic fashion. It’s not witty or highbrow enough to be parody and it’s not well crafted enough to be actual science fiction. The film is a pretty train wreck replete with silly asides and hammy overacting. Sam Jones’ Flash Gordon is a dimwitted buffoon with a goofy hairstyle. The women are hot, hot, HOT! Especially Ming’s daughter. The only believable thing in this entire cartoonish romp is the absolute hell Flash goes through to convince Ming’s subjects to join his crusade. Even though this is another in a long line of Great White Hunter Saves the Day flicks, it doesn’t come easy for him in this version of the tale.

George Lucas originally wanted to make this movie but was unable to acquire the rights, so he made Star Wars instead. The world continues to breathe a sigh of relief, but one wonders how kick ass his version would have been.

*** out of ***** for the sheer stupid fun of it all.

TRIVIA ANSWER: Actor William Hootkins, who played Munson in this film, Lt. Eckhart in "Batman", Major Eaton in "Raiders" and Red Six aka Porkins in "Star Wars". Another "Flash Gordon" - "Raiders" connection: Actor George Harris, who played Prince Thun of Ardentia in this movie and Captain Katanga in "Raiders".