Death Proof

GREEN'S "WHAT ARE WE GONNA TELL JASPER WHEN WE GET BACK?" REVIEW:

Hands down, this has got to be one of the stupidest movies I have ever had the un-pleasure of sitting through. But I did watch it all - albeit over two nights.

"Death Proof" may be a Tarantino homage film and that's fine, if that's what he wants to make. I suppose it makes some kind of perverted sense to pay homage to a crappy movie genre with an equally crappy movie.

The acting was horrible, even from an actor as decent as Kurt Russell occasionally is. Overall, the script sucked and there was no character development to the point where you want to give a rat's poo-poo about any of these characters. Just two sets of not so hot chicks talking smack tied loosely together by the actions of one crazy mofo called 'Stuntman Mike'...

The best looking chick in the film was probably the smartest. She's the cheerleader chick that got left behind/left out of the action in Act II. The next best-looking chick might have been Zoe, but that stupid pierced lip evaporated any sexiness she might otherwise have had.

I watched the unrated, extended version which at just under two hours is well - just under two hours too long.

The lone bright spot in the film is near the end - the precious third act that I shan't reveal, lest I incur the mighty wrath o' the scribester.

That part alone warrants the rating I give this disaster on wheels:

[barely] * out of *****

SCRIBE'S VEHICULAR HOMICIDE REVIEW:

For years, Quentin Tarantino has displayed his love of Seventies hipster flicks with lots of references to movies hardly anybody else has ever heard of or seen. In fact, he ushered in a new form of hipness: The fan of obscure, low budget films who sees them as art.

Whether or not the films that inspired him were art, there is no doubt that his are. Having re-worked Seventies grit and lack of generational focus into something on a much higher level, “Q” has reinvigorated a genre most of us never experienced the first time around except on TV.

“Death Proof” is another in a line of Tarantino homages, this time centered on the muscle car suspense genre. All the familiar staples are there. Overly sexual females discussing boys in a classic car, planning a getaway to some remote lakefront and trying desperately to connect with the world around them through alcohol and drugs. Naturally, at least two of these girls have an ass that is mesmerizingly hot and Tarantino makes sure he gets some down ‘n dirty camera angles to remind us, which of course is what he should be doing to strive for authenticity, so shut up, feminists!

Add to this a mysterious black muscle car that seems to show up wherever they go and you have the makings of quite the grindhouse flick. What distinguishes this film from the genre films of the 1970’s is the amount of time devoted to character development. Tarantino does everything he can to make sure we feel like we know these women by the film’s tragic mid-point. We also think we know Kurt Russell’s “Stuntman Mike” character, although he repeatedly displays a knack for surprising us.

Filled with Tarantino’s trademark self-aware, pop culture laced dialogue peppered with repeated usage of the “F” and “N” words, Death Proof transcends its genre to become a commentary on the inner desperation we all feel when we suspect the world has no real use for us anymore.

The acting is top notch, especially on the parts of Kurt Russell and Rose McGowan. The on-screen chemistry between these two is amazing and unexpected. The extended foreshadowing of the first act is so methodically handled the viewer forgets what kind of movie this is until the shocking events in the middle. Employing a conceit most writer/directors wouldn’t be able to pull off, Tarantino literally starts the movie over for its second act with a different cast of characters who may or may not endure the experiences of the previous group.

Again, Tarantino skillfully makes us almost forget what happened earlier in the film, firmly throwing us into the lives of these newcomers. Rosario Dawson is the known actress in this group and she brings a girlish charm to what quickly morphs into a disturbing and brilliant film.

I am trying very hard not to give away the third act, which I hope green will also do, but suffice to say there is a huge switch around that works so successfully it causes the viewer to reevaluate everything they’ve seen up until that point.


***** out of *****

(This is who Green considers "not so hot")

Could you make the picture any smaller?

Me, Myself & Irene

SCRIBE'S ANOTHER IN A LONG LIST OF MISSED OPPORTUNITIES REVIEW:

It's funny. Not the movie, something else. When I went to see this film during its theatrical run, I was starting to fall away from enjoying Carrey's films and thought I was becoming a Farelly brothers fan. So, in my mind, the two would cancel each other out and I'd be watching one hilarious movie!

Not so, unfortunately. The script is, to say the least, lackluster and uninspired. In retrospect, the Farrely's were already on their way to becoming a piss poor imitation of the far superior Cohen Brothers by slowly working more and more melodrama into their films. The end result is a mixed bag of mostly unfunny gags and lots of wasted potential.

Ironically, Carrey was well on his way to becoming a great dramatic actor while slumming in this mess while the filmmakers were doing a horrible job of trying to re-create what they'd done so well in their previous 3 films, especially Kingpin, a pitch perfect comedy if ever there was one.

Unlike Green, I find Rene Zellweger to be a talent-less and hideous hack. She adds nothing to this film except annoyance. At the risk of sounding sexist, filmmakers need to be very careful when they cast women in comedies because so many of them have poor timing.

I also found the inclusion of the black sons who were somehow pitch black despite being his white ex-wife's children highly offensive. Adding the stupid black midget as the testosterone-fueled dad was just reaching. Having the sons grow up on a steady diet of gangsta rap and BET was a funny idea, but it fell flat due to them being supposedly half-white. If his ex-wife had been black, it would have worked much better.

Stupid, unfunny movie.

No *'s out of *****


GREEN'S GREATEST LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY IN THE LAND REVIEW:

I've said in the past that I'm not a big Jim Carrey fan, but I do respect him as an actor. No one quite does physical slapstick-type comedy as well as Carrey does. Even if the film sucks, watching him is worth a few laughs. On the other hand, I am a fan of Renee Zellweger and have been ever since "Jerry McGuire," and especially since "Chicago." I appreciated the fact that part of the film is set in Rhode Island, since I was born (but never held legal residence) there. But dayum those state police uniforms are uuuuuugleeeee.

The Farrelly brothers have a knack for coming up with great stories because they do a good job of character development, which is a key element in creating a good story. You genuinely like the characters in their films and want to care about them. Having a narrator is unusual and slightly weird, but Rex Allen Jr. does a great job of it and adds a wee-bit of comedy to the film which would otherwise be missing.

The story is good, the script is well-written and the film is a nice length at just under two hours. The special features on the DVD are worthwhile to watch as well.

All in all an enjoyable movie.

*** out of *****

Fahrenheit 451

GREEN'S STOKE UP THE FIRE I'M GETTIN' COLD REVIEW:

In this eerie vision of the future, the government has banned books, fearing an independent, free-thinking society. People in this society, including Montag's wife (Julie Christie), are drugged into compliance and get their information from wall-length television screens. A fireman's job is not to put out fires but to set them, burning the illegal books wherever they are found. Guy Montag (Oscar Werner) is just such a firefighter. When Montag falls in love with book-hoarding Clarisse (also played by Julie Christie), he begins to read confiscated books. Through this relationship Montag begins to question the government's motives behind book-burning. Montag is soon ratted out and must decide to return to his job and rejoin the book-fearing society or run away knowing full well the consequences that he could face if captured.

The movie is based on the 1951 Ray Bradbury novel of the same name, cleverly derived from the temperature at which paper burns. Bradbury's novel is top notch and a must read at least once in your life. The film version, adapted for the screen and directed by famed French director Francois Truffaut, follows the novel closely as far as I can recall since I haven't read the book in over 20 years. The problem with this film, as with most films produced in the 1960's, is that the acting is stiff, flat and mostly uninspiring. Julie Christie, however, does a decent job in her dual role as Montag's wife and Clarisse.

Apparently, a remake is in the works and scheduled for a 2010 release. Maybe this adaptation will be better.

book: ***** out of *****
film: *½ out of *****

SCRIBE'S DAMMIT I CAN'T BELIEVE WE BASICALLY AGREED AGAIN! REVIEW:

Before reviewing Fahrenheit 451, it‘s time for Scribe’s True Confessions…as opposed to Scribe’s BS Confessions, I guess.

I couldn’t make it through the whole thing. There, I said it. First time in the history of this blog which stretches back to, like, the mid-Eighties, I think. Keep in mind this is coming from a guy who despises Disney and, not including a few presses of the fast forward button during the horrific song sequences, sat through Brother Bear without vomiting.

So what made Fahrenheit so difficult to watch?

I am a huge Ray Bradbury fan. In fact, his approach to writing, which involved taking the mundane and speculating around it, is my favorite way of working. He’s one of my literary heroes, but I don’t hold all of his work sacred. For instance, the novel of “Something Wicked This Way Comes” is dreadful in my opinion despite having won several awards.

I never read Fahrenheit 451 so I can’t compare the book to the film. All’s I can say is the latter leaves much to be desired. This wasn’t the first time I tried to watch it, either. Many moons ago, a film class made it required viewing and I still couldn’t get past the first 10 minutes. This time I made it to the halfway mark and realized I was bored out of my mind.

This was French auteur Francois Truffaut’s first English-language film and it shows. The dialogue scenes are awkwardly rendered to say the least, and he populates the film with Europeans with thick accents to boot. To be sure, the visuals are rather clever. It’s amazing what Truffaut accomplishes with simple camera angles and sparse countryside that make the film look slightly futuristic. He does an excellent job of establishing mood, but what French director doesn’t? They’re all about mood.

Sadly, the performances are wooden and uninspired and the story ignores the main premise in favor of a love triangle. Despite my French blood, there’s only one love “triangle” I’m interested in and it doesn’t involve two women! Well, it can, but you get what I’m… you know, if you’re gonna be like that, forget it.

I’m done! Movie sucked!

*½ out of *****

Eastern Promises

GREEN's SYMBOLICALLY TATTOOED BODY REVIEW:

Anna (Naomi Watts) is a midwife in a London hospital who helps deliver the baby of a teenage girl who dies during childbirth. Searching for the girl's identity, Anna finds her diary, written in Russian, in the dead girl's purse. When the diary is translated, Anna is inadvertently thrust into the world of the Russian Mob, headed by Godfather-like Semyon (Armin Mueller-Stahl), his son Kirill (Vincent Cassel) and his driver Nikolai (Viggo Mortensen). Anna is trying to discover the child's family and in the process discovers an unexpected ally.

This is an intriguing tale of deceit, loyalty, trust and family in London's most notorious Russian Crime family which is part of the Vory V Zakone criminal brotherhood.

The film is brilliantly directed by David Cronenberg who has a great cast to work with. I loved Armin Mueller-Stahl's Vito Corleone-like performance in this film. Charming and hospitable to a fault on the one side, but definitely a guy you don't want to cross on the other. Mortensen and Cassel are excellent and Watts holds her own with the boys in this film. Cassel is an underrated and under appreciated actor by American audiences, I think. The supporting cast is also good.

For the most part, Steven Knight has written an excellent script. The only weak part, in my opinion, is the ending which is nice and happy and fluffy but kind of abrupt. One minute the baby is saved from death, then some undisclosed length of time passes and the baby has not only grown (as babies tend to do) but has apparently been adopted, then the credits roll. I'm not sure how I would have done the ending myself, but something is missing from the ending we are given.

The special features on the DVD, two short featurettes on the making of the film and the symbolism of Russian tattoos are short but informative.

**** out of *****

SCRIBE'S I CAN'T BELIEVE GREEN GAVE AWAY THE ENDING BUT HE MUST'VE BEEN SLEEPING DURING THE FINAL SHOT OF THE FILM REVIEW:

After having suffered through the bafflingly critically acclaimed A History of Violence, I wasn’t too hot for a second David Cronenberg/Viggo Mortensen collaboration. The first one was simply awful, a dull, uninspired “mystery-thriller” with no thrills and a transparent mystery featuring wooden performances by everyone except the ever-dependable Ed Harris.

Eastern Promises, like a new, gifted lover, gets the taste of the bad movie out of my mouth and replaces it with the minty freshness of quality. Can you tell I’m trying to audition for VH-1?

This time around, instead of small town America, the setting is London, England. The principal characters are Russian, however. Mobsters, to be exact. Mortensen plays the Russian boss’s driver, whose child-like and amoral son goes through periods of extreme adoration and hostility, sometimes within seconds.

The plot concerns a young Ukrainian girl who wanders into a druggist’s shop begging for help. The druggist tells her to wait her turn and she collapses on the floor in a pool of her own blood. Although she’s rushed to the hospital, she dies during childbirth. The girl was 14 years old. Enter the comely Naomi Watts as a half-Russian, half-English mid-wife working in the same hospital. She takes the baby home with her, which, apparently, is normal practice over there, and brings the girl’s diary along as well.

Watts’ character can’t read Russian and she might ask her father if he weren’t such a d_k. At one point, he tells her she lost her baby because it was half black, implying God or Fate wouldn’t allow such an abomination to be born. So she seeks her translation elsewhere. Unfortunately, the kindly restaurateur who volunteers to help is also a major Russian crime boss.

His over-eagerness to translate the diary and have it in his possession should be a warning sign to almost anybody, but she’s pretty naïve and sheltered. Soon she finds herself involved in a minor conspiracy as the contents of the diary are slowly translated.

The performances are subtle, and rightfully so. An American version of this film would have been filled with bombastic incidental music and lots of shocked facial expressions. Cronenberg is a Canadian shooting in England with non-American actors. There’s none of that overblown melodrama like what we saw in “The Departed” as everybody tried to mug for screen time. The violence is also kept to a minimum, adding to its overall impact, and features one of the most realistic fight scenes ever filmed.

This film has an otherworldly feel to it, a fact that could only work in its favor. Despite its slow pace, it never drags and the feeling of peeking inside someone’s window carries the storyline to its conclusion. To discuss more would be to ruin the story, so just rent or borrow the damn thing!

**** out of *****