Wag the Dog

We were going to try and post this review on or around Inauguration Day but that plan went up in smoke due to our recent 50^th review and all of the hullabaloo surrounding it. Neither of us wanted this film to be the big 5-0.

GREEN’S AS LONG AS YOU GET ME BACK FOR THE BEANS REVIEW:

Q: Why does a dog wag it’s tail?
A: Because a dog is smarter than its tail. If the tail were smarter, the tail would Wag the Dog.

Eleven days before the election the President is accused of molesting a Firefly girl in the office behind the Oval Office. Conrad Brean (DeNiro) has been called in to divert the attention of the American people until after the election. He hires Stanley Motss (Hoffman), a Hollywood producer, to flesh out the distraction to make it “real.” From the President getting ill while in China, to a conflict/war with Albania, to a stranded “war hero” left behind enemy lines and his rescue, the lies keep getting deeper. The problem is that the brilliant Motss can never take credit for this production. Ever.

“Wag the Dog” is a film that makes you wonder how much of what you see on the television news is really true. Where is the line between truth and fiction? And more importantly how often is this sacred line crossed?

The cast is excellent, headlined by Dustin Hoffman, Robert DeNiro, Ann Heche and Denis Leary. Woody Harrelson is good as the deranged prisoner and “war hero." The script is decent, and for the most part, director Barry Levinson keeps the story moving along at a crisp pace with a tidy run time of 97 minutes.

This is a decent movie: not utterly fantastic but well worth the rental.

*** out of *****

SCRIBE'S TRIBUTE TO OVER-REACHING FILM PRODUCER'S REVIEW:

“Wag the Dog“ is one of those films too many of the wrong type of people recommend. Surely you know the type or are the type, in which case you don’t know because you’re too full of yourself to pause for self-examination.

I’ve always been a fan of Barry Levinson’s films and DeNiro and Hoffman are two of our greatest actors, but the buzz from the shallow set prevented me from seeing this film. I regret that now. This is an extremely well-acted, written and directed film.

Focusing on the president’s sex scandal, ironically written and filmed before the Clinton/Lewinski thing, Wag is a good example of just how low an administration is willing to stoop in order to ensure its continued survival over the country’s.

Sensing impending disaster for the president, his top aid (DeNiro) hits upon a grande scheme to enlist the aid of a famous Hollywood producer for a little spin doctoring. Hoffman is brilliant as the composite of every self-absorbed, bitter producer desperately seeking recognition for all his hard work.

What really makes this film work is the fact that while it starts off as a talky film, it realizes we need a decent third act to bring it all home. But it's the final moments of the film, when Hoffman's character has a breakdown and refuses to gracefully vanish into anonymity, that the true nature of the government is seen.

**** out of *****

BIG SCREEN GOES BOLLYWOOD!!!

What the hell else could we do that would be radically different? We've reviewed most genres of films except porn...Wait...We coulda done porn!?

DAMMIT!!!

Ah, well. Post 100 can't be too far in the future, right? In the meantime, Green and I took the advice of...um...some...person...and reviewed a film made in India. For those who are laughing, India produces and exports as many as and sometimes even more films than the United States! And I didn't choose some silly musical for Green's delicate little taste buds to ingest. I chose...well, read the reviews and see for your-damnselves!

SCRIBE'S JUST IMAGINE REVIEW:

I must confess to having had an ulterior motive when I jumped on the idea of reviewing a Bollywood film for our fiftieth post. I’d actually seen the film I recommended we review and loved it.

For those of you now laughing and hurting my feelings, SHUT IT!!! There is an undeserved stigma attached to films made in India, due in no small measure to the spontaneous musical numbers and Hollywood’s conceit that no one except them and possibly Europe and Hong Kong can produce a quality product. Krrish is proof that they are wrong.

This film is a sequel to a very popular Indian film in which an ET-like alien arrived in a small Indian village and imbued an awkward dork with his essence before departing to dimensions unknown. You don’t need to have seen the first film (I didn’t) to understand what’s happening in this bigger, flashier, action-oriented sequel.

Again starring the same guy now playing his own son as a simple-minded country hunk, the sequel picks up many years later as Krrish, now living with his disturbingly hot grandmother, does the Smallville thing and tries to live a normal life. His grandmother is deathly afraid of his secret getting out because of what happened to her son…a rather disturbing fate that isn’t revealed until later in the film.

The earlier portion of the film is sure to alienate some Western viewers because of its light-heartedness and forays into goofiness. There are a few songs as well because, apparently, it’s a requirement. This seems to be a continuation of the tone of the previous installment. But the dark foreshadowing of the opening scene is enough to keep you hooked if you are susceptible to the mythology.

Like Luke Skywalker and George W. Bush before him, Krrish is bored out of his mind doing what he’s told and seeks adventure and excitement. It comes one day in the form of a Hindu hottie who lives in Thailand with her adorable Thai friend Cookie. They are reporters and are part of a tour bus passing through. It’s love at first sight for ol’ Krrish as he runs around showing her he’s much man and saving them from natural disasters. They fall in love, or maybe she falls in like, and Krrish is crushed --did I just write Krrish is crushed? -- when she leaves.

His rite of passage is now twofold. His love and lust for a woman compels him to see the world outside of his small village, and his disturbingly hot granny tells him what happened to his father. Apparently, Krrish senior (not really his name) got more of an intellect boost than his son, whose powers run more toward the super-hero variety.

Suddenly all the goofy dialogue and musical numbers were worth it, because the second and third acts come down with a thunder. Not only is Krrish looking for his new love, he is also about to meet the evil Indian equivalent of Bill Gates whose aspirations of godhood and weird tendency to speak to the camera as if he’s a news anchor make him the perfect villain for a newly emerging hero.

The special effects are good, the acting is surprisingly good and the story is compelling, especially in its second half. This is a film for fantasy fans and people who are fascinated by mythology, but more importantly it is for people with an open mind.

***** out of *****

GREEN’S BEAUTIFUL WOMEN FALLING FROM THE SKY REVIEW:

Once it was suggested to us that we go Bollywood for review #50 and we agreed that was the way to go, it was only a matter of which film to do. I, being totally clueless when it comes to movies from India, gave way to the wisdom of the scribester when he suggested this movie, simply because I didn‘t know any better.

Unlike the subject of our last review, this film actually looked interesting from the get go. Then the relevant question became, where am I going to get me grubby lil' hands on a copy of this here mooo-vie? Much to my surprise, my local library was able to get it for me via inter-library loan.

My heart sank immediately when I read right on the cover that this movie was a sequel to “Koi Mil Gaya,” a movie I'd obviously never seen. I feared that I wouldn’t be able to follow the story fully without seeing the first film first. Then when I saw that "Krrish" had a run time of 175 minutes (five minutes short of three hours, people), I rather colorfully wondered what in the heck I agreed to.

I really don’t want to give away any of the story because you really ought to see this masterpiece for yourself. Lets just say that it's about a boy named Krishna, who inherits special powers from his father… and thus the adventure begins… (Incidentally, AG and I knew a kid in our high school daze named Krishna.)

This film is not perfect. There are some confusing parts in the story. Stuff that probably makes more sense if you’ve seen the first film first, which I have not, yet. Stuff which I hope will be explained in the first film and expounded upon in the next installment.

"Krrish" has mostly everything you could ask for in a movie: A superhero, a subtly evil bad guy, beautiful women, exotic locations, love, romance, excitement, fear, discovery, beautiful music, dancing, singing, superb production values, excellent acting, top notch directing, state of the art “Matrix”-like special effects and a really good, compelling story. The two things this movie lacks are a car chase or three, gratuitous female frontal nudity and love/sex scenes of any kind. Heck, there isn’t even any substantial lip contact!

Unlike Mel Gibson‘s “Apocalypto” and “The Passion of the Christ,“ where subtitles weren’t needed to understand the story, most of us will have to make use of the English subtitles to understand the dialogue, spoken in Hindi with a smattering of English words thrown in. Still that didn’t take away from my enjoyment of this film. You won’t know the actors from anything else they've starred in, actors like Hrithik Roshan (Krrish/Rohit), Priyanka Chopra (Priya), Rekha (Sonia, [the disturbingly hot grandmother.]) and Naseeruddin Shah (Dr. Arya) but you really don't need to.

In short, this really is a great movie, even without seeing the first film first. Dare I say that this film is better by far than some of the crap that comes out of Hollywood, USA these days?

I’ve even begun my search for the first film, “Koi Mil Gaya" (2003) and was excited to learn that a sequel, “Krrish 2,” is tentatively set for release sometime this year.

Look for this movie in the foreign films section of your library and sign it out. I think you'll enjoy "Krrish" as much as we did.

****½ out of *****

The Kite Runner

GREEN’S COME BACK TO JAMAICA... ER, AFGHANISTAN REVIEW:

I have to admit that I had never heard of this film before Scribe, in his weaselly quest to appease (suck up to) the masses, who have suggested that we, Sir Scribe-a-lot and myself, ought to review more “recent” movies to make this blog more relevant and dare I say, ‘more interesting.’ I’ll further admit that once I got the DVD from the library, I found every excuse not to watch it, preferring to watch anything else instead. Going to the dentist seemed more appealing than watching this movie. Or at least I imagined it so.

The movie sat right near my television for more than a week, looking rather intently at me every time I walked past it- awaiting the day when I had to watch it else pay exorbitant late fees for borrowing it longer than I should.

Evil, evil DVD...

As it turns out, my worst sweat-filled, stress-inducing nightmares were totally unfounded.

What you have here is the very moving and emotionally touching story of Amir and Hassan, two boys - the best of friends - growing up in Kabul, Afghanistan in the 1970‘s, but the movie doesn't begin that way. The young boys are inseparable, until one incident fractures their friendship and the two never speak again. The story then follows Amir, who moves to the United States with his father when the communist Soviet Union invades Afghanistan. Flash forward to 2000. Amir, now a published author living happily in San Francisco with his wife, receives a phone call from an old family friend with information that sets him on a journey which will change his life forever.

A good story like this about friendship and loyalty transcends language barriers, so it didn’t bother me at all when the characters spoke in the Afghan language and English subtitles were used during the flashback sequence. The kite wars scenes are filmed in such a way as to resemble a great car chase, and are (amazingly) riveting. Marc Forster does a wonderful job directing the largely non-English speaking cast. If I hadn’t looked it up on www.imdb.com, I wouldn’t have realized that the scenes taking place in Afghanistan/Pakistan were really filmed in China. The story is based on Khaled Hosseini’s best-selling novel and I believe screenwriter David Benioff did an excellent job adapting from the source material, though I‘ll admit I have not read Hosseini‘s book.

Don’t let any cultural bias prevent you from enjoying this really great movie. It’s a must see, without a doubt.

****½ out of *****

SCRIBE'S PISSING IN THE BEARDS OF THE MULLAHS REVIEW:

“The Kite Runner” is another in a long line of critically praised literary novels adapted into a film. This one concerns two boys growing up in 1970’s Afghanistan and the far-reaching effects of friendship, betrayal and change.

Most of the film is told in extended flashback with a brief epilogue, always a slippery slope in literature but it works rather well on film.

“The Kite Runner” opens with Amir, now embarking on his dream of being a novelist, receiving a phone call from someone telling him he needs to return to Afghanistan right away. This is is in the year 2000, twenty-one years after he and his father fled the country as the Soviets launched their invasion. From here we return to the 1970’s for lots and lots of establishing of Amir’s friendship with Hassan, the son of his father’s most trusted servant.

In Afghanistan, kite runners are kids who literally fly kites in impromptu competitions involving some rather aggressive maneuvers. The trick is to actually “cut” the other person’s kite, thereby winning… something.

The thing that distinguishes Hassan from the other assistants is his seemingly mystical ability to predict where the other kites will fly and where they will land. If this sounds dull to you, don’t worry, somehow it’s fascinating.

As any student of recent history knows, Afghanistan has seen its share of invasions and wars for the souls of its people. The Soviet takeover looms over the heads of the country as (main kid’s) family continues to do what the wealthy do best: Live lives of opulence and act like nothing has changed. In fact, his father is startlingly apolitical and irreligious, making the most poignant statement in the film: “”The mullahs (religious leaders) try to own our souls and the Communists tell us we don’t have any.” He also expresses a desire to piss in the beards of their religious leaders. In short, he’s da man!

Eventually, through a series of misadventures and peeks inside Afghanistan’s culture of the 1970’s that is at once riveting and alienating, something truly tragic occurs. In fact, it’s a scene that’s so disturbing and unexpected that it lingers in the mind long after it’s over. It involves a pack of bullies who corner Hassan and we’ll leave it at that. Amir witnesses what occurs and his opinion of his friend changes instantly.

In what will be his most shameful moment, Amir begins mistreating his former friend because of his own inadequacies. One is torn between disbelief and disgust as he engineers ways to frame the boy in order to get him and his father exiled from their home.

Like all good period pieces about change, Amir and his father are forced to flee their homeland in the face of overwhelming political upheaval. His dad is far too opinionated and far too wealthy to be allowed to live. And so they come to America, where his father opens a small convenience store.

But the story doesn’t end there. Amir grows up to be a writer despite an apparent Afghanistani bias against telling stories for a living, falls in love with an exiled general’s daughter, and faces personal tragedy.

As we are returned to the moment of the phone call, we find out that he must return to Afghanistan one more time too fulfill a promise he made to Hassan. Only one problem there: This is Taliban controlled Afghanistan and he knows next to nothing about his homeland anymore. At one point he is even informed that if he were seen on the streets without a beard, he would be killed.

The third act of the film is every bit a powerful as the first, a true rarity in films these days. Amir's mission is harrowing and difficult, but the final moments of the film descend into one of the subtlest but most disturbing things captured in recent years. Without giving too much away, there’s a connection to the past that, while not unexpected, is still rather jarring and difficult to watch.

"The Kite Runner" may not be a masterpiece in the tradition of "The Killing Fields," but it is a good film with solid performances.

**** out of *****

BIG Screen turns 50!!

Yes, 50!!

Well, sort of.

We're fast approaching our 50^th movie review on this blog and we want to give y'all a chance to tell us which movie you'd like to see us review. We want to make it a really cool movie, so think hard and leave your vote in the comments section.

Keep in mind that we're cheap and are restricted to the DVD collections at our local libraries and whatever movies we happen to own. So please, nothing too recent.

Voting will be open until we say it's not, so exercise your right and vote.

Do it. Do it NOW!!!

Didja do it? Didja, didja, didja?

Painless wasn't it?? And lots o' fun too, I'll bet.

Scribe adds o so sexily: Damn, I fear the day Green experiments with caffeine in high concentrations!

Anywho, they said it wouldn't last. They said we wouldn't make it. They said we would self-destruct and take the entire blogging world down with us. I don't know who they are and haven't actually seen them aside from dreams, but me 'n Green gon' kick they asses if they ever show up!

I'm not quite as cheap as Senor Jesus-lova up there. MY lie-beary has new movies now. That's how I was able to see The Happening, the film that has garnered more comments for us than any in a long time. You may thank me and me only for that much needed boost. Proof, once again, that my excrement has nothing resembling a foul odor.

But I need your vote just like any other pandering scumbag out there looking to gain the support of the masses. Whatever you vote for the most, we shall abide by it, unless we decide it's too freakin' stupid for words, then we'll disregard and pull something from our well-sculpted asses.

Excelsior!

1/13 update: Apparently voting has closed, as we've decided to to a Bollywood movie for review #50. Which one? Not at liberty to say right now, but fear not, dear readers! All will be made clear in good time.

Oh, yeah. Forgot to mention that even though voting is officially closed for this poll, you can still leave suggestions for future reference any time you like.

THE HAPPENING

SCRIBE'S THAT TREE'S LOOKIN' AT ME FUNNY REVIEW:

I have this theory based on historical observation that M. Knight Shaymalan will one day be hailed either as an unrecognized storytelling genius or the greatest one-trick pony of our age. Believe it or not, I tend to side with the former.

“The Happening” is another in a string of box office disappointments for this once A-list auteur. Despite it being quite overrated, “The Sixth Sense” was the equivalent of hitting a homerun on one’s first night of playing major league baseball. It’s difficult to follow up with that kind of rapid success, but he did it with “Unbreakable.” Now with six films under his belt, M. Knight has delivered something different from his previous efforts, an R-rated, much more esoteric film.

Audiences hated it in droves. In fact, the only film of his they seemed to hate more was “The Village,” which I consider to be an underrated masterpiece of deception. This time the story focuses on the entire nation as strange deaths and suicides are reported all over the East Coast. Many of these deaths are grisly and disturbing, a new approach for this filmmaker, and a welcome change to his normal implied horror.

Mark Wahlberg heads up a cast including John Leguizamo and a host of little-knowns as they run from place to place, desperately trying to figure out what’s causing people to basically go insane. The acting is fine although it’s drawn much harsh criticism. M. Knight, like George Lucas, is a popular whipping boy for people who like to sound superior to the masses. What no one seems to want to credit him for, however, is his steadfast devotion to his own peculiar storytelling approach.

Unconcerned with creating some cookie-cutter horror film, M. Knight places his characters in a type of danger that seems real. With just the sight of the wind rustling through the trees, he establishes a feeling of dread most directors can only create through buckets of blood and jump cuts.

Without revealing too much of the plot behind the plot, “The Happening” does have an environmental theme, something that also seems to have pissed people off, if the Yahoo! User reviews are any indication. What most don’t seem to get is there’s always been an element of social commentary to his work. This just happens to be the first time it’s made obvious.

I read some user reviews from people complaining that the actual “Happening” is relegated to the old “Well, it’s a mystery we’ll never solve” category. Untrue. Much like the best work of Stephen King, the answer isn’t some simple ghost or monster story, but something intrinsic to the human condition. People are shallow but M. Knight doesn’t seem to care. Good for him.

This film kept me riveted form start to finish.

***½ out of *****


GREEN’S HOW’D THEY KNOW IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK? REVIEW:

Pennsylvania High school science teacher Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) knows a lot about many things. What he can’t explain is why everyone around him is mysteriously dying and/or killing themselves in the northeastern United States and nowhere else. So what’s the best course of action when a disaster strikes that nobody can understand or explain?

The tried and true horror movie solution is to get out, get away, just get. Doesn’t matter where or how, even if its by car or on foot.

Elliot gets his wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel) and they, along with a colleague (John Leguziamo) and his young daughter (Ashlyn Sanchez) do just that. Predictably, when the friend leaves to go back and find his wife, leaving the child behind with the Moores, shortly thereafter he dies. So they keep running, and running and running, figuring that as people are dying around them that their chances of survival are better in the smallest groups possible.

Is it me, or have M. Night Shamalyan’s films steadily gotten worse over time? I mean they must have to some degree when you make your splashy debut with such a cool, hit film like "The Sixth Sense," right? Or is this the worst of the lot? Every movie writer/producer/director comes up with a dud once in their careers, yes? Hopefully this is his.

As one review I read noted, it’s not the performances of the actors at fault here, but the material itself. ‘Uninspired’ is the word that the reviewer used to describe the script and I‘ve got to agree. I think Mark Wahlberg is a fantastic actor, as he’s impressed me with almost everything I’ve seen him in, up until this. Zooey Deschanel is a promising young talent with phenomenal eyes. (Where’d that come from?) But if the source material is bad, more often than not, even great actors can’t save the movie.

This reviewer also pointed out that when you’re the writer, producer and director, there’s no collaboration and there’s no accountability. Thus, what was a promising horror concept quickly flies by the wayside in a mass of... nothingness. Heck, this movie was so boring that I, even I, had no desire to watch whatever 'how they made it' special features that were included on the disc itself. Normally I love watching that extra stuff, too.

In my eyes, clearly, “The Happening” is not happening and there’s not a darn thing I care to do about it. I say skip this one all together, unless you or someone you’re related to worked on this movie, and wait for Shamalayan's next offering, which almost has to be better.

[Shakes head.] Or maybe I just don’t get it.

*½ out of *****