Scribe & Green on the BIG screen

There are far too many people out there writing “reviews of movie-films & articles about them with absolutely no clue what the hell they’re talking about." Here are 2 more of them! (Well, one of us knows what the h___ we're talking about, but we'll leave it up to you to decide who that is...) Ultimately, can two people as opposite as Scribe and Green agree on anything?? That's where the fun begins. Won't you join us? (Every now and then we'll add a guest review, just for kicks.)

Saturday, June 30, 2007

MOMENT OF SILENCE

One of the last great film critics lost his battle with cancer. I am sure Green will join me in mourning the passing of Joel Siegel. Not only was he a respectable film critic (a rare breed that only included two other people and one of them was already dead) but he also worked side-by-side with Martin Luther King, Jr. in the early Sixties during the Civil Rights Movement.

Siegel's genuine boyish love of film and his embodiment of a time when Jewish men knew who they were and acted accordingly will be sorely missed.

RIP


Indeed I do pass on my condolences to the family and friends of a fellow movie critic. His views and reviews will be missed.

But I don't understand what Scribe means when he says "...when Jewish men knew who they were and acted accordingly..."

What does Siegel's ethnicity and religious background have to do with his movie reviews, or anything else for that matter?

Here's a link from
abcnews.com regarding Siegel's death.

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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

We've been challenged again

It would seem like the challenges are coming from all directions these days. Recently, Bluez challenged us to watch "The Last King of Scotland".

While that's a worthy title for future consideration, both Scribe and I were not able to secure that one from our respective libraries simultaneously. I emailed her back and asked for a list of alternate choices. The list she came back with was good - I had not seen any of the films she suggested, but apparently Scribe had seen all of them but one.

The one Scribe-o-rama hasn't watched already happens to be the only title on the list I could find, and was one of the Scribester's preferred titles. Which means that...

...the next film to be reviewed on this very blog will be "21 Grams".

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

RETRACTION

Apparently I've now driven away one of Green's precious 300% increase in readership with my "offensive" blathering about icky girls. Actually, that was my Scribeist way of welcoming the addition to our blog.

I forget sometimes that everybody doesn't know me and that those who don't are idiots.

So, I apologize for offending anyone who didn't get my attempt at humor. Please, come back and regale us with movie selections! Anything would be better than Green's Disney list!!!

Monday, June 25, 2007

MESSAGE TO OUR READERS (ALL 3 OF 'EM)

This started out as a two-man operation. The concept was to challenge each other with movies to review. But then, as always happen, a buncha icky girls got involved and started wanting to join the boys club 'cause they secretly know we have more fun and are much cooler due to not having bloody periods and sitting down when we pee! Perhaps I shouldn't speak for Green, but you get where I'm going with this.

So the girls have arrived to torment us with their movie selections and Green, being the quintessential Christian skirt-chaser, has graciously agreed to allow them to do so.

Thanks, broads. Thanks for ruining yet another male institution!!!


(Not you, lccb. You and me got sumpin' special)

No, scribe certainly doesn't speak for me. I can handle that just fine for myself.

Obviously, his itsy-bitsy male ego is a gettin' stroked the wrong way if not being outright squishified by the presence of the fairer sex. Plus, we aren't inviting the women to review the films with us, just allowing them to make suggestions on occasion. I don't see anything wrong with giving the female type persons their say. Makes for a more interesting forum.

And since it increases the readership/comments left in the process, well so be it.

[BTW, that's a 300% increase in readership for you mathematically challenged out there in blogland.]

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Ever After

Green’s Review:

“Ever After” puts a slightly different spin on the classic Cinderella story. Taking place in early 16th century France, this is the story of Danielle De Barbarac, a noble by birth with intelligence and common sense beyond her years, who virtually becomes a slave in her own household after the untimely death of her father and thanks to his brand-new marriage to the vile stepmother Baroness Rodmilla De Ghent. The story follows predictably as Danielle is viewed as a "pebble in the shoe" by the stepmother, and an obstacle to be overcome by her two "ugly" stepsisters, Marguerite and Jacqueline.

Danielle accidentally meets the Crown Prince of France while he’s “stealing” a horse from their stables in an effort to avoid his impending prearranged marriage while she's collecting apples in the orchard before breakfast. They subsequently meet at the most inopportune moments in odd places and, after an awkward beginning to their relationship, begin to fall in love. My favorite part was seeing the vile step mother and her self-centered oldest daughter get their come-uppance at the end of the movie.

Drew Barrymore capably plays Danielle, and Anjelica Huston is excellent as the delightfully vile and highly annoying stepmother. Dougray Scott, however is awkward in the role of Prince Henry and it takes most of the movie for him to find his groove with the character. Underrated director Andy Tennant does a good job of holding this film together with a questionable script and actually makes this film bearable to watch at 100 minutes in length.

The insertion of Italian Leonardo Da Vinci into the French monarchy’s inner circle seemed odd to me at first, but in doing a bit of checking on www.wikipedia.com, I discovered that Da Vinci did indeed spend the last three years of his life in the service of King Francois I of France, so that part of the film is accurate. That he was mentor to a young adult Prince Henry is impossible though, since Henry - the oldest surviving child of King Francois I and Queen Claude (not Marie as in the film), was born in 1519, the year of Da Vinci’s death. Not to mention that Henry went on to marry Catherine de’ Medici, in 1533, at the ripe old age of 14!!

So much for trying to bring "historical accuracy" into a fairytale, as is attempted in the beginning of the movie, with an aged “great-great granddaughter” of Henry and Danielle, speaking to the Brothers Grimm about clearing up the historical record in the Cinderella tale.

On the whole, this is a watchable film thanks to the capable direction of Tennant and the talents of Barrymore and Huston, but certainly no where near classic cinema.

** ½ out of *****


Scribe's Review:

Aww!!! Come on!!! EVERYBODY!!!

AWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

True love conquers all. And in this case, it even overcomes a rather weak screenplay. The subject of said screenplay is an updating of the Cinderella fairytale with Drew Barrymore in the lead role. Yes...DREW BARRYMORE as a French woman with a faux English accent.

The film opens with a young girl whose father (portrayed by the highly underrated Jeroen Krabbe) loves her very much and is marrying a total bitch. A perfect set-up for the post-modern girl power generation if ever there was one. Naturally, the girl hates her step-mother, portrayed with wicked glee by Anjelica Huston. So when Daddy decides to take a trip and winds up keeling over and dying at the gates of his palace, things change rapidly. It doesn't help matters that Huston sees her new hubby speak last to his daughter before he goes.

Flash forward some years and Barrymore is now the Cinderella we know and...love, I guess. She runs around cleaning and attending her step-sisters, one pretty, one movie ugly which is really pretty anyway, and flirting with a servant boy who wants to jump her bones.

As always, there's a prince. And as always, there's a prince who doesn't want to be a prince. He is being forced into a marriage with a Spanish royal (apparently marrying a hot Spanish chick was bad?) and is roaming the countryside looking for a real woman. Here's where it gets juicy: In order to save a soon to be executed friend, Barrymore pretends to be a royal and winds up meeting...oh, you've seen this before???

Then you probably know the rest. I guess I won't bore you with the endless pissing contest courtship scenes or the bizarre addition of Leonardo Da Vinci. I won't go into the silly sub-plot including her step-sister trying to get hers if you know what I mean. Maybe you don't.

The real missed opportunity here is the fact that this entire film is based on the premise that the Brothers Grimm were invited to the home of Cinderella's ancestor to hear the tale. Why missed? Because it's little more than a plot device. There's no discernible reason for that to be in the film. Unlike Young Guns II, for instance, the character telling the flashback tale has no bearing on the action or the resolution of the movie.

Still, Barrymore exudes a certain charm and the girl's got a great set of headlights. Her co-star Dougray Scott (Prince Henry) is competent in the role and never descends into camp. Much of the dialogue is crisp and witty as well. For a chick flick, this one is only half-bad, and that's pretty damn good!


*** out of *****

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

We've been challenged!

Oh yes we have!!

Last week, before the review for Malcolm X was posted,
lccb challenged us to review a movie of her choosing; one that neither scribe or myself would ordinarily pick. She privately e-mailed us a list of five choices, one of which she really, really, really wants us to watch and four other choices as back-ups.

So with some hesitation, we've decided to accept the challenge. No real man can resist a challenge, especially from a woman.... even if it means watching a girly movie, chick flick or whatever you want to call it.

Wait, you actually wanted me to tell you which movie we're going to review next? Must I do everything for you? Next, I suppose you'll want me to watch it for you too and tell you what I think.....

Oh, wait a minute, that's what we're supposed to do on this here blog....

D'OH!!


Well, we couldn't do the one she really, really, really wanted, so she'll have to live with her second choice. Therefore, the next movie to be reviewed will be: "Ever After".

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Malcolm X

Scribe's Review:

When I first rented this film, I thought I was gonna be watching a porno with an all-black cast, a true rarity in those days. Imagine my surprise when I found out it was about some guy who, like, lived a long time ago? And totally, like, changed the role of, like, blacks in Americaaaaaa?


OK, maybe not. But you know somebody out there thought that!

"Malcolm X" was director Spike Lee's first stab at legitimate epic film making and he mostly succeeded. Gone were his earlier jump cut MTV video segments and preachy rhetoric.

The film follows young Malcolm Little as he winds up in prison during the zoot suit era and experiences a visitation from the prophet of black Islam, Elijah Mohammed, who informs he will be a great leader some day. Malcolm begins studying the American version of Islam and, like everybody in prison, discovers religion and betters himself.

Only, in his case, Malcolm actually maintains his new found mentality. At first he is a mere follower, but his overwhelming charisma eventually casts him in the role of leader to such an extent that the powers within the Islamic movement begin to see him as a threat.

Although he looks nothing like him, Denzel Washington does an incredible job of channeling Malcolm X's characteristics to a point where you no longer question him in the role. Angela Basset is also fantastic in the role of Betty Shabazz, the only woman he ever loved and the only woman who was ever his equal. Basset would actually go on to reprise this role in the film "Panther."

Surprisingly, director Lee works magic with his camera, emulating the finest directors of epic films. The scenes in Mecca are actually breathtaking.

The film is flawed, however. Lee seems reluctant to implicate the followers of Islam in X's assassination and we never see Louis Farrakhan's scheming ass throughout the entire film. Many whites found this film offensive, equating its perceived glorification of the divisive Malcolm X as being akin to making a film about what a great singing voice Hitler had. The difference is, Malcolm X realized how wrong he was. It cost him his life. Hitler died filled with hate.

Sorry, not the same thing.

****1/2 out of *****


Green's Review:

Painful. Over three hours long and on two VHS tapes with a poor audio track on the cassettes. Absolutely painful.

This is director Spike Lee's tributary biopic on the life of Malcolm X (pictured, left), from his early days to his murder/assassination on February 21, 1965 at age 39.

Of the choices the Scribester gave me, this film was the most appealing. I'll admit going into this that I did not know much about Malcolm X, so watching this movie was definitely a learning experience for me. The only things I knew were that he was an African-American political figure during the Civil Rights Era of the 1960's and a follower of Islam. I also knew that he was murdered, but did not know any of the details of how or why.

It's obvious from the beginning that Malcolm X is one of Spike Lee's heroes and he treats the subject with the utmost respect and attention to detail. Denzel Washington is a superb actor and his performance holds this film together. The film itself is based in part on the biography of Malcolm X by Alex Haley. I'm not sure how far Lee's script strays from the book, but I've no doubt he took pains to be as historically accurate as possible. My favorite part of the film was at the end, when Lee incorporates real footage of X and in particular the tribute given him by Martin Luther King, Jr. after his assassination.

My only criticism is that this film is waaaaaaaaay too long and drags a bit in several places. It could have been done just as well in 2 1/2 hours instead of 3 hours and 21 minutes. It's too bad that I couldn't find the DVD because I probably missed out on some very informative special features. Still, this is an important film which helps us to understand one of America's most controversial figures of the 20th Century.


**** out of *****

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Saturday, June 9, 2007

Green's Next (very funny) Challenge!

When I vowed payback for Green's Disneyfied list o' choices, I doubt he knew what a devious sum bitch I am. Then I submitted my list!

Suffice to say it was enough to cause Green to vow vengeance and threaten an abrupt turn to the Dark Side!!!

And what, you may ask, caused such a reaction in a devout Christian man?



Green's next film will be Spike Lee's epic, "Malcolm-X." The most delicious part is that it was only available in VHS- TWO tapes, to be precise. Yep, 3 big hours of militant black pride for Green!!!

MUAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAAA

Once he has watched, and no doubt converted to Islam, I will post my review and his shall show up under mine.

hee hee

PAYBACK'S A BIIIIIIAAAAATTTTTCCCCHHHHHHHHH

and now so am I!!!




Wait...that wasn't what I...

Never mind~

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Brother Bear

"Brother Bear" is an original Disney story about a boy, the youngest of three brothers, who desperately wants to become a man. In order to do so, he must learn about love and responsibility by becoming a grizzly bear and big brother to a little bear cub whose mother he killed in an act of revenge. The boy turned bear gains a new perspective on life through the eyes of the bear he has become and through the eyes of his little brother bear. This experience transforms his life.

The animation style of this film doesn't have that typical feel of a Disney movie. The way the characters are drawn remind me of a Warner Brothers type cartoon. I like the way the aspect ratio changes to a broader scope once Kenai becomes the bear, likened to his gaining a wider perspective on the world. The story is well conceived and the screenplay well written. The story carries a lot of emotional depth and impact throughout. The characters have depth and that is due to the excellent voice cast, led by Joaquin Phoenix, D.B. Sweeney and Michael Clarke Duncan. The film's comic relief is provided by the voices of Doug Thomas and Rick Moranis, who reprise their McKenzie Brothers/Strange Brew/Molson Beer Commercial roles as a pair of Canadian moose. The music was written and performed for the most part by Phil Collins, one of the most talented all around songwriter/ musicians of the last 50 years.

The special features on the DVD are excellent and paint a great overall picture of how the film was made, from story and character development to the music, soundtrack and songs.

My kids and I liked this movie very much. This film won't go down as a Disney Classic, but it is good quality family entertainment. It IS a Disney film, after all!! It has just enough stuff for the adults to keep it interesting and which will float right over the kids heads.


**** out of *****

SCRIBE's review!!

Bring on the pain!!!

Sadly, this was the only one of the five possibilities Green emailed to me that was available at my pubic library. Also sadly, it was only available on VHS.

It's been a while since I've been tormented with a modern-day Disney film, so allow me a moment to discuss elements that may be old hat to you. The film's story is almost certainly loosely based on an old Native American myth regarding some snot-nosed brat whose immaturity is second only to Paris Hilton's. Due to his desire for revenge on a mindless animal that kills his older brother, the Aurora Borealis decides to turn him into a bear until he learns his lesson and becomes a man.

All in all, not a bad concept for a children's film. And that's what this is, a film for children. Therefore, what begins with some beautifully rendered layout animation quickly gives way to flat, lifeless character drawings and silly pratfalls to keep the kids from dozing off while the plot is unspooled.

Eventually the "Action" begins. Actually, the suspenseful moments involving the hunting are handled effectively. The music that accompanies it comes in handy as well. This has never been Disney's problem. Their problem is the modernization of the characters in these films because kids are no longer intelligent enough to comprehend someone who comes from the past.

So instead of actual Native American actors with actual Native American accents, we get the whitest of white guys like D.B. Sweeney (a great actor in his own right) sounding like Valley-boys from San Fernando and completely draining the film of its authenticity.

What's that, you say? Disney films aren't about authenticity? No shit? Because I thought the talking moose brothers and the little ghetto bear were actually around back then! Shut the hell up and let a Scribe handle this!

Eventually, the remaining human brother comes after the bear he thinks killed his brother who really is his brother for more payback than Mel Gibson. Naturally, Brother Bear can only speak whatever language Disney animals speak that makes them able to understand each other but unable to communicate with humans. This is results in some brief but entertaining battle sequences.

But what really kills this exercise in crap-tility is the god-awful songs! Tina Turner warbles out some useless tune as we watch the brothers bound through horseplay, then later Phil Collins cranks out another dry, uninspired five-minute jingle from his junk drawer during a typically long and wacky passage-O-time sequence. The man hasn't been creatively relevant since 1991 but it hasn't stopped him...gotta admire that. It was enough to literally make me yell like a virgin being broken in by John Holmes!

Basically, this film would have worked if its creators had shaved all but thirty minutes and aired it on TV as an after school special. Like all Disney films, only the beginning and end have any relevance, and the rest is just more brainwashing for impressionable kids.

** out of *****

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