Next Review: White Noise

And after that, per the suggestion of mah secret lovah bluez, we're gonna "do" Mr. Brooks...provided green can obtain the proper lubricants necessary to do the job.

We'd like bluez to write a guest review of "Mr. Brooks" to go along with Scribey's and mine, just for kicks and well, because we can. Told ya we would. Did you listen? Nooooooooo.

Threesomes are much more fun. Or so I hear.

2/11 UPDATE: due to logistical and availability reasons, perhaps "Mr. Brooks will be reviewed before "White Noise". Either way, both films will be reviewed for your enjoyment and wonderful reading pleasure.

Here's your chance to be famous

Ok, so maybe that isn't entirely true. You might be famous someday. And if you are, we'll have had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Today, however, is not that day and frankly tomorrow isn't looking good for you either. But keep your chin up and your nose clean and maybe you'll get lucky sometime soon.

What you do have {right now} is an opportunity to choose a movie that will be reviewed by Scribe and I right here on this very blog! And if we choose your movie, we just may ask you to write a guest review to go along with it.

Or not.

It depends, really on how we're feeling, what day of the week it is, how the stars are aligned and what the weather is like outside. If Scribe is being cranky that day, I make no guarantees...

You should be prepared in any case, because you just never know...

So lets have those suggestions!

Scribe adds:

I don't know what Green's obssession is with being an anus, but it's really starting to become disturbing, isn't it? Plus, I don't understand how submitting movie review ideas will aid you in becoming that particular orifice! Is this some kind of ancient Christian thing of which I have until now not been aware???

I JUST DON'T GET IT!!!

Oh...

I really need to read the titles of things before I...yeah...Carry on!

Hot Fuzz

Green's Peachy Keen Review:

When I first saw this title in Scribe's list of choices for our next review, my first thought was that I had never heard of it. My second thought was that he dared to include a porn flick for us to review (which would be one reason why I hadn't heard of it before). I decided then to look it up at www.imdb.com and www.amazon.com and was pleased that my first impression was not even close to what I had thought.

This is the story of Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg), the most efficient cop... umm, police officer, that London has ever seen. So good is Angel that he makes the rest of the police force look bad by comparison. Naturally, instead of rewarding him for a job well done, they get him out of town as quickly as possible and transfer him to the quaint and quiet little town of Sanford, England. But is it? Things are not always quite what they seem.

Angel is partnered with klutzy PC Danny Butterman (Nick Frost), son of Sanford's police chief, Inspector Frank Butterman (Jim Broadbent), who dreams of being a bada$$ cop like in the movies. The overly intense Angel quickly realizes that there's more than meets the eye in this backwards little hamlet after a series of grisly and suspicious deaths, that the inept Sanford Police Department pans off as a string of "bad accidents".

When Angel gets too close to the truth, he becomes the target.

This film really is an excellent comedy, despite all of the blood, guts and shootouts. It subtlety makes fun of cop movies, westerns and even takes a page from "The Matrix" near the end. The cast is marvelous, especially Broadbent and a very slimy Timothy Dalton (Simon Skinner). The filming style is hard to describe but works well. While it will never be considered a classic, the script is excellently written and the story definitely moves along crisply for a two hour film.

If you haven't seen this movie, you should.

**** out of *****

Scribe's Review is the Cat's Meow:

Now Green is finally becoming cool! He finally understands why these guys are my new heroes. Re-teaming from their triumphant Shaun of the Dead horror film parody, my favorite Gen-X Brits are back poking fun at the action movie genre... about ten years too late.

And that is the only drawback to this nearly flawless film. Had it been made in 1998, we might have been spared some truly awful actioners. But don't count that against it. This film is hilarious and well-acted.

American critics expressed concern over this film's appeal to audiences over here because they were afraid we wouldn't get the main focal point of the humor: The concept that small, idyllic English countryside towns are that way because nobody accepts any form of change...EVER. But I tend to think anyone who has spent time in truly old small towns in this country will understand.

Leave it to a Big City cop to bust open the biggest conspiracy the UK has ever seen with explosive results. I don't want to ruin this film by discussing specific scenes. Just rent the goddam thang!!!

****1/2 out of *****


Ahem. I've always been cool. Ahem.

I know you have, sweetie. I know you have...

Damn straight.

Amistad

Green's Mighty Review goes something like this:

Set in 1839, "Amistad" is based on the true story of a group of African captives on their way to the Americas to become slaves when they rebel against their captors, kill most of them and seize the ship in order to sail back to their homeland. The ship is soon seized by the United States Navy and brought to America where the captives are put on trial for murdering the crew of the Amistad. Instead, the trial becomes a battle for their very freedom as men and women instead of runaway slaves. Complicating matters for their defense, the captives do not speak any English.

Djimon Hounsou gives a commanding and emotional performance as Cinque, a tribal leader of the Africans, who speaks for and represents the prisoners in their trials. Matthew McConaughey competently plays Baldwin, the compassionate Abolitionist lawyer who represents the captives in their first trial. Anthony Hopkins again gives an excellent performance in the minor role of John Quincy Adams, who speaks in favor of the captives when their appealed case comes before the US Supreme Court. The cast also includes Morgan Freeman, David Paymer, Stellan Skarsgard, Nigel Hawthorne and Pete Postlethwaite.

This was director Steven Spielberg's directorial debut for Dreamworks SKG and as usual, he does an excellent job telling this story, milking it for all the drama he possibly can. The film was nominated for four Academy Awards- Best Supporting Actor (Hopkins), Best Music, Best Costume Design and Best Cinematography.

"Amistad" has a running time of 2 hours 35 minutes which seems long because of the necessary plot exposition at the beginning of the film. The film drags in places but for the most part is a very watchable film.

***½ out of *****

SCRIBEY's BIG BLUE REVIEW:

This one of those movies I resisted seeing for reasons that should be rather obvious. Spending two and a half hours watching one side of my ancestry endure horrible suffering and injustice is difficult to say the least. Unlike some groups of people, I don’t get off on watching my forebears get tortured and murdered on the big screen.

However, Green’s list must be obeyed and I am but his humble & loyal servant. Besides, I knew for sure I could find it at my local library pretty much any time I wanted. Thus I devoted one Friday morning to watching one of the most depressing films I’ve seen in years.

I chose not to fact check this one, but I seem to remember reading at the time of its release that the Morgan Freeman character was added as a way of softening the brutal reality of the storyline. That would explain why he seems so hopelessly out of place in an otherwise well-crafted film, despite his good performance.

Following the journey of a by then illegal slave ship of Spanish origin, Amistad is the tale of a semi-successful slave uprising during which the captives literally threw off the yoke of their oppressors and killed all but two members of the crew. For a while, it seems as though they might actually make it back to Africa. Unfortunately, a brief stopover to pick up provisions and water attracts the attention of an American naval vessel that winds up seizing the ship and its would-be slaves. The scene of one slave swimming toward the sun in a last desperate attempt to get home is one of the most heart-breaking moments ever filmed.

The capturing of the Spanish vessel results in the 19th century equivalent of a media frenzy as well as a potential international incident as the issue of proprietary rights and international law comes into play. Naturally, the Africans are caught in the middle. What results is a lot of cultural ignorance on both sides and courtroom drama galore. The acting is exemplary on everyone’s part, including the often uneven Anthony Hopkins as a not quite senile former President John Quincy Adams.

Spielberg, never one of my favorite directors, is undeniably gifted when it comes to evoking imagery and getting great performances out of actors who are generally comfortable walking through their roles. And since his transformation from popcorn flick wonder-kid to serious issues movie maker, Spielberg has learned a thing or two about evoking darker emotions.

I’m not sure this was Oscar caliber material, but not all good movies are.

**** out of *****