Jesus of Nazareth

Green's Review:

Certainly you couldn't go wrong with a cast of such luminescence, could you? Yes, you could. Look at some of the names: Anne Bancroft, Ernest Borgnine, James Earl Jones, Stacy Keach, Christopher Plummer, James Farentino, Sir Laurence Olivier, James Mason, Peter Ustinov, Olivia Hussey, Robert Powell, Anthony Quinn, Rod Steiger and a young Bilbo Baggins, er Sir Ian Holm all had parts in this monstrosity even if some were mere cameo roles. Olivia de Havilland took on the mighty Pythonian role of "Miss Not Appearing in this Film". (Mary Magdalene was played by Mrs. Robinson, ummm, I mean Anne Bancroft and the Virgin Mary was played by Olivia Hussey). The Scribester will love that, won't you old boy?

I must give Franco Zeffirelli credit for attempting to helm such an ambitious film of the greatest story ever told of the greatest life ever lived. He must also criticized for the very same thing. He tried hard to fit everything in that he needed to but took some liberties, took some things out of order, glossed over other key events and ignored others all together.

Considering the length of this television mini-series, some parts that weren't as important got way too much screen time and the most important events got far too little. The trial and crucifixion scenes were painful to watch and not because of what was going on in the story. That had to be (for obvious television audiences and 1970's censorship reasons) the lamest and cleanest crucifixion in big or small screen history, portraying the bloodiest and cruelest way to kill a man in the most sanitary way. Crosses did not have a convenient footrest for the victims to stand on. Rope was not used to strap the cross to Jesus arms. Immediately after Jesus died there was no rain and there were no steps leading down into Jesus' tomb. I could go on and on, but you get the idea...

The sets were, for the most part, magnificent. The acting was far from, however. Robert Powell had, in parts, the intensity to play Jesus but at other times seemed lost and bored in the role. I think James Farentino did a credible job in the role of Peter. Overall though the acting was indeed cheesy, as the Scribester will tell you in a bit.

Still, if the story of Jesus is what you're interested in, then this movie is worthy to be watched once and once only, just to say you've done so. And certainly never to own for your very own viewing (dis)pleasure.

** out of *****

Scribe's Review:

If dairy farmers ever run low on cheese, the acting in this film could provide a bumper crop for generations. Sadly, although I was only in single digits when this glorious mess was released, I specifically remember advising the Eye-talian studio execs to name the film either The Worst Version of The Second Greatest Story Ever Told or The Funky Adventures of Super Skinny Jesus. Instead, they went with the massive box office appeal of "Jesus of Nazareth." There's an eye-grabber for ya!!!

I'm not sure what makes this a bigger exercise in futility: The TV mini-series running time of 6 hours or the hammy European acting. Let's go with the acting. I don't know about you, but watching the people of ancient Israel emote like dry British society isn't exactly my idea of lending authenticity to a dubious storyline. Sure Olivia Dehavilland is a hottie as Mary, but even a Philistine like me feels pangs of guilt lusting after the mother of the Christian Messiah.

Having labored through this intensely dull infomercial that feels the need to capture every single Biblical incident, all I can say is I was right when I said Italians are best when they are directing films about amoral cowboys. Leave Jesus to the wild-eyed American-born Australians!!!

* out of *****